***copied from our Mission Scotland blog***
There
are several things that have led to this new direction for our family
and mission. Admittedly, not every detail can be shared on a public
forum, but what follows is as personally transparent as we can be here.
As
the next post will point out, God has been working and producing much
fruit through this work. So why leave at the 3-year mark if there is
evidence of the Spirit’s success? There are several reasons for this.
Northeast
Scotland is a unique place. Unlike the more populated places of the
country, it became clear how isolated we were, the unique circumstances
of the work this presented, and the toll it was taking on us as a
family. We have dear, dear friends both inside and outside our
church-community here, and it pains us to think of how much we will miss
them (it’s probably the hardest part of all this). But even so, with
the cultural realities and busyness of us as well as these friends, the
isolation we feel is ever-present. Add to this the stresses of the work
on the ground and I, as the leader of my family, was not handling the
stressors well. These things, along with moving to a new town last
December and the new approaching stress of having to move yet again (our
rental is being sold, and we were given notice to move), the family and
work were going to suffer more.
These things, of
course, were not unexpected. We were not ignorant of what was to come in
regards to enculturation; but there is always the difference of
“knowing” something and even being prepared for it; and actually
experiencing it first hand in real life. So many new factors involved.
So many people to worry about. So many said and unsaid expectations. Add
to that the constant feeling of loneliness and isolation that Daisha
also felt; and how I, as a husband and daddy, was leading (or not) in
handling certain matters; there was a daily compounding of issues.
There
is no doubt in my mind that staying another 2 years would see much
good. But there came a point where we had to ask: at what cost? While
Jesus calls us to lose our lives for His sake, we must balance that
requirement of discipleship and missions with what Paul tells Timothy:
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for
members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an
unbeliever,” (1Tim5:8). And while this is in the context of caring for
widows and the like; I believe this teaching the Spirit through Paul
gives us can be taken in a broader context. There are ways in which my
providing for my own family (namely: spiritually and in “being present”)
is less than what it needs to be.
We can be involved
in seeing many people come to Christ, as we have while we’ve been here.
But if more time equals a failure of my first responsibility to my
family, it is not worth it. There are too many stories we have heard
that make clear to us how quickly these closest relationships can be
torn asunder because of the ministry. And my family must be my priority;
over and above the work.
We need a reboot.
There
was consideration in changing mission strategies; and reducing our
stressors by focusing less on the established work and more on the fruit
we were apart of in reaching unbelievers in our community (which will
be explored in the next entry). We were given much freedom by our
supporting congregation (FXCC) to pursue whatever we saw necessary for
success of the mission they had sent us on. For this we are grateful.
But even so, it was clear that this sort of change in strategy was going
to cause more harm than good in the short and mid-term, and we were not
ready to put others and ourselves through it. The situation on the
ground prevented the transition we were seeking.
Beyond
the work, there are other considerations that as parents and
professionals we need to consider. The health of our children in both
society and in regards to education and opportunity are becoming ever
more present and important for us as they enter the formative years of
life. Admittedly, both Daisha and I were raised in a way and always
surrounded and pushed by others who pursued education, opportunity, and
the intellectual. We have missed this tremendously; and do not believe
our children would receive the education and opportunities that they
will need to be productive members of a greater society. We wish to
enable them with much freedom and availability of opportunity so they
may succeed and fail, aiding in their growth as people and more
importantly, as ambassadors for Christ in their lives.
It
is also true that the exercise of our God-given gifts is something we
desire to pursue in other ways (as will be explore in a later entry). It
is clear to me that I am gifted in teaching. I love it. I love the
preparation. I love the reading. And I love passing on knowledge to
others in an instructive and conversational way. While I am able to do
this on the mission field (I have taught something around 400-450
lessons in varying scenarios while here), I still felt “chained”
emotionally and spiritually to the stressors. The emotional roller
coaster is intense; bouncing from joy to apathy from hour to hour on a
daily basis.
Daisha, of course, is ridiculously skilled
in all things art, design, creativity, etc.; and that giftedness has
been unable to be unleashed to its potential in the current situation.
Coupling all this with the feeling of isolation/loneliness; the
motivation to even do what we love also takes a hit.
We
admit, some (many?) of these things are because of our own faults and
sins; but it is the reality of realizing our failures and finding ways
to grow through them; and to live the called life courageously and
responsibly.
This all may sound kind of negative, but
it isn’t. It’s more of simple reality in what we have learned through
our experience in the almost 3-years of doing this.
The next post will explore what God has done here through this effort, and will continue to do here for His glory.
Grace be with you -
The Sheets
